Uncategorized – Page 6 – a poet's confessional

paradox

when others come to me crying and seeking motivation to even exist i become someone else for them i care for them i comfort them i say all of the right words but when i try to comfort myself there is no comfort only resentment and hatred

i, antagonist

you can save me from everything but the one thing you can’t save me from is myself

it is a disease

you don’t know why anymore you don’t understand why you let yourself do this sometimes you shake as your mind fights with itself and your hand quivers as one slice becomes jagged and unclean sometimes you are so still and you don’t think and your hand is precise and to the point, and it doesn’tContinue reading “it is a disease”

ruination

i believe that you ruined me for any other man because you showed me i was capable of distrust, hatred, anger and so much more it is so difficult for me to trust the other gender now thanks to you

i remember crying myself to sleep next to you

sometimes i imagine a body next to mine warm and loving and i don’t feel disgusted, ashamed forced to lay there and pretend to love

denial

you never hurt me while you were drunk you never hurt me as you tried to hide the bottle from my curious eyes it didn’t hurt me as you poured drink after drink it didn’t hurt me as alcohol took you away from me it never hurt me as one more night turned to shit

brainwashed

i told myself i was never abused he never bruised this pale skin or cut into my flesh, hurting me i never thought emotional abuse was what he did to me he never outright called me names or told me demeaning things about who i was or what i looked like i was just aContinue reading “brainwashed”

i have a name, use it

you may think some of these nicknames are endearing but they never were as a child i did not understand but as i have grown into this skin and become of my own mind i know these names now i know their meanings and they are not endearing anymore

one noun, one verb, one adjective

“stop saying sorry!” he spits as i cower what else am i supposed to say (i am apologetic) to convey i am guilty as charged (i am contrite) that i am ashamed of things he would not even begin to understand (i am remorseful) that the humiliation of my existence (i am heartbroken) can onlyContinue reading “one noun, one verb, one adjective”

physical pain disappears, the other does not

pain comes from streams of crimson but at least physical pain is better than the alternative