broken girl – Page 4 – a poet's confessional

i remember crying myself to sleep next to you

sometimes i imagine a body next to mine warm and loving and i don’t feel disgusted, ashamed forced to lay there and pretend to love

denial

you never hurt me while you were drunk you never hurt me as you tried to hide the bottle from my curious eyes it didn’t hurt me as you poured drink after drink it didn’t hurt me as alcohol took you away from me it never hurt me as one more night turned to shit

brainwashed

i told myself i was never abused he never bruised this pale skin or cut into my flesh, hurting me i never thought emotional abuse was what he did to me he never outright called me names or told me demeaning things about who i was or what i looked like i was just aContinue reading “brainwashed”

i have a name, use it

you may think some of these nicknames are endearing but they never were as a child i did not understand but as i have grown into this skin and become of my own mind i know these names now i know their meanings and they are not endearing anymore

one noun, one verb, one adjective

“stop saying sorry!” he spits as i cower what else am i supposed to say (i am apologetic) to convey i am guilty as charged (i am contrite) that i am ashamed of things he would not even begin to understand (i am remorseful) that the humiliation of my existence (i am heartbroken) can onlyContinue reading “one noun, one verb, one adjective”

physical pain disappears, the other does not

pain comes from streams of crimson but at least physical pain is better than the alternative

from: me. to: myself

bite back your words force a smile on that face brighten those dead eyes fake that emotion, girl because no one really cares anyway

tally marks

marks mar her skin some are dark some are pale some are old some are new some are raised and some are faded but in the end they all mean the same to her

ghosted

when you gather the courage and cry out for help in a few short vague words to those you think you trust they read those words and become a ghost or respond and move away and it all hurts even more

consequences

“if you ever need anything, call me” “if you are not feeling good don’t hesitate to talk to me” “if you are depressed again, just tell me and i can help” that is what they all say “i will, i promise.” i reply as a stare into an empty bowl my words are lies becauseContinue reading “consequences”