hunger and hunger

i can never have enough
an empty hole that can never be satisfied
even when the sun is high and the time is many
(it is especially consuming when the wind chills my bones and the time is short)
i long for it, wish for it
but never hold it close when i have it
so that i am left in a state of ruin when the need comes
you do not understand
and with that i am shamed, wondering if this consumption is wrong
i try to stave it off, starve myself of its comfort but i always come crawling back wanting nothing but it 
and when i cannot have it?
i am madness and ruin to no one but myself
tireless, weak, and humiliated by my own want
i hate it, i want to burn it out like a foul disease
but it is something that cannot be done so easily
and so i will hunger and hunger
when the time is right and especially when it is wrong
sated at times, but never truly satisfied