repulsive

i fool myself and others on how strong i am
in the reality of warm tears and shuddering breaths
i am weak
and i am repulsed by this
weakness
while others may tell me that it is simply human, and normal
i cannot stand to hear it because my coiled mind strikes at weakness even when it consumes it
call it my ego, or something else
but i have always strived to be better, to be stronger, to be without weakness where nothing can harm me once again
and i hate myself when it becomes a crutch once again